To Make Your Kids More Successful, Teach Them Music!

I AM SO SICK OF THIS EMO $#!*…KIDS NOW ARE SO MUCH MORE MESSED UP THAN WE WERE!!?
I have 4 kids; one is 13, one is 12, and two are 9. My 13 yr old son is relatively "normal" except for that I sheltered him from society a lot (can you blame me these days?) so he is kind of immature for his age. My 12yr old daughter is driving me up the wall. We lived in a city with about 90,000 ppl and I moved us because there were cops in the school, fighting all the time, drugs, sex, gangs, it was horrible; and the education was second rate at best. We moved to a town with 14,000 people and she has decided all of a sudden she is bisexual (so are 90% of the girls in her school, talk about a crock), she is dressing in black, listening to sad music, calling herself emo, and recently started cutting when she gets angry. I took her to the psychiatrist and am taking her to therapy but I mostly want to smack her or shake her and tell her to cut the cr@p. She is highly intelligent, gets straight A’s, and wants to be a lawyer (and go to Harvard). I tried to explain that Harvard won’t accept emotionally fragile students because of the workload and that all her actions now will affect the rest of her life. She started lying about who her friends were, disobeying me when she was punished, and now she is being pulled from class by the school’s counselor to "talk". I think the school perpetuates the cycle because they coddle these kids too much. They have 6more years and they are only going to get harder. If they don’t learn how to control themselves then how will they ever function in a successful society? I find it amazing that out of 112 6th grade girls at her school over 90 are bi. This fad is on my last nerve. I am so sick of people saying that they’re confused and we should be patient and supportive, so as not to damage their "fragile psyche". Give me a break! The last time I checked, I was a parent and to do my job right I need to steer my kids into adulthood by teaching them right from wrong, and helping them grow into healthy happy adults. Not by saying, "Oh she’s pretty, go ahead". I am never NEVER going to tell her that its a good thing to run to the counselor everytime she doesnt like whats going on. She goes to school to get educated, not to talk to ther counselor and then make up the work later.
People say not to hit your kids, don’t yell at them, don’t scare them, don’t do anything to them other than time-outs and groundings. If this theory is right then why does this country get worse with each passing decade? I am only 31 and was not a perfect angel, but I feared my mother and it led me to respect her. I do not think less of her for the few times in my life she layed hands on me, I deserved it and am glad she did it. They say, "You don’t want your kids to fear you."; I say thats BS, I want their love, respect, and yes, fear. Fear is what keeps us from doing things that are harmful so all these child advocates need to get a clue, if they don’t fear me, then they will not listen to me. You stay out of trouble out of a fear of punishment or a fear of your parents in general. If that changes then Lord help our children and theirs because the whole place is going to fall apart!!

What is the take on these new emo fads? And why do these schools make such a big deal about stupid drama? Can they not see the kids get off on the attention, and therefore they continue to act like foold? And plz, no teenagers or pre-teens telling me to let her be bi. The answer is NO. She wasn’t bi when we moved her so I absolutely do not believe she is bi now. And this bisexuality has led to her lying, breaking rules, cutting herself because all the girls in her school are dating each other every other week and then stressing out the ones they dump. I just want to keep her safe, thats my job and I do not take it lightly. Also now my 9yr olds are confused and this infuriates me. Half of the parents here pay little or no attention to their kids bcuz they feel the town is safe; the ones who know about all of this either don’t care or don’t say anything. I am fed up. I know other people have some more good advice to help me deal with all of it the right way.
Also you should know that my kids are not allowed to date until they are 16 so its not about the choices as much as it is about the fact that she isn’t old enough (physically or emotionally) to deal with a huge fallout that is sure to follow. I have quite a few friends who are in same sex relationships and most of them told me that she is full of it because she has never been attracted to girls until now and has liked boys for almost 2yrs so…
Any links, books, etc…would be great!!

the fact that shes calling herself emo shows shes not actually emo, kids with real problems dont dress in all black and broadcast it to the world. kids like her dont have real problems so they like to make believe. and i have no problem with gays, i have many close freinds that are gay, but 12 is way to young to label herself bi, shes still a child, she has no idea whos shes sexually attracted to, and if 90% of her school is also saying that, shes probably just trying to fit in. i go to public high school, and im sick of whenever a kid gets frustrated, they go running to the guidence office, whatever happened to solving your own problems? if your mad, deal with it yourself, only serious things should be reported. kids need a good yelling at and spanking sometimes, timeouts can only go so far. i suggest keeping her in the phycologist and telling her if she has a problem, tell you about it when she gets home, not leave class. then you can deal with it appropriately.
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I think if your parenting is genuine from the start, the children will not need to resort to the emo behavior. They will instead make good choices, from the heart, if they are given lots of love in the ages before 5. Problem is today, the parents are too bogged down by social factors to give the children a proper upbringing.

Therapists are hired goons out there to make a buck, and shaking the crap out of her, although it feels relieving, won’t actually help her any.

Sounds like your pretty hard on her however, and believe me that school system doesn’t coddle them.

You’d have no idea how hard it is on a kid to have it rough at home AND at school. They need a peaceful home base without stress.

Self control is a reward for a stable upbringing. This comes much later in life, all the discipline you can dish out won’t cause overnight self-control to appear. But don’t think they can be controlled in the first place.

You’re right about the system of councilors and the ‘fads’ of sexual behaviors integrated into the schools at younger ages. You can blame TV and society for that one. If you child has an open pathway of communication with you, they will choose your guidance over the MTV zombies out there that feed on sex and depravity.

You are wrong about fear. Fear and shame go hand in hand. Please don’t repeat the cycle of fear. Human beings don’t need fear, only love. Please love them. Fear does not accomplish what you think it does. Don’t put the fear of God in your child, they just end up resenting it, and acting like criminals.

The emo fads: The schools thrive on gossip and chaos, this is how they get their order. With fear of trends comes stricter rules and excuses to punish children. There are many forms of self-expression, different styles and ways to be cool and trendy, always have been. So now this ‘cut yourself’ thing is a fad, and kids are buying into it. Educate them with affection and understanding and they will reject this form of mind-control.

I agree, with your points about the bi- thing. I think its all trends and peer-pressure, you shouldn’t worry, because they just want to belong.

Its totally straight out of South Park.
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ok, so let me get this right…you are complaining because your daughter want to be different?! Im only 14, but, im 100% sure that’s not good parenting! What do you want your child to be a chav? Look, i hang around with ‘emos and goths’ and yes, they do liston to deep music (mostly rock) but, its just the way they are! you CAN NOT change your kid! you will mess her up FOREVER! You need to let your kids find out the world, my mum and dad are doing that! hell, im going out of the country next year on a trip with my friends! Ok , i know your probley just going to ignore this hole message cos im 14, but really, just let this kid be who she WANTS to be! let her finger out life, let her go on dates (16?! Ok, yea iv had 2 boyfriends….its healty to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at ages 12 + in school =] ) let her find out who she wants too be…it will be hard to but, at least try!

P.s what type of music is she liston too? scremo? or is it bands like MCR? because, My Chemical Romance, although some of there music is sad, isnt trying to take away lifes, there trying to SAVE THEM!
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I came on Answers to look for someone with similar issues to my daughter and I know exactly where you are. I have a little different situation but still on the same lines. I believe she is acting bi, dressing emo, cutting, etc because that is what the style of the school is and if she is "herself" she won’t be accepted and have any friends. Yes, they are in school to learn and I preach this all the time to my 16 yo, but its all about socializing, acceptance, and being known and noticed. 12 yo is so young to get so messed up and lose your identity. Counseling is a great way, but they do have to want to open their mind and heart. Is there anyone, a relative maybe over the age of 16 that shares your concerns or will listen to your concerns and talk to you daughter more as a friend with a been there done that analogy? You didn’t say if you belonged to a church. I guarantee it you won’t find lesbians and emos in that setting. If you could get started in a church that has a huge youth program and something to interest her and all your kids you could possibly make a difference. But, she can’t go to church looking like emo. She would be ostrasized by everyone. Maybe even consider going to church in a neighboring city to get away from the bi/emo’s. Another thought if she is so interested in Harvard, law, etc you could probably find someone a little older who has taken that route in their life and be sort of a mentor to her and then could hear it from someone else that her lifestyle choices might not get her the career or education she wants. Getting her involved in sports as well..no emo’s in that I have ever seen. Its all about peer pressure and getting the right influence. Going to the school board and telling them your problem might be another solution. Getting an exemption to another school although you would have to drive her is an option and get her out of this. However, do your homework first and check out the school and its rating and even go there personally and take a tour during the lunch hours to see what the kids look like. I do believe that if you can redirect her attention to something different she would be interested in, she
might be able to see how ridiculous her bi/emo personna is…
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